The quarrel with the loved one is healthy if it is done properly. Here’s what the experts say

Maintaining sincere and open communication with your loved one should be a priority in any relationship.

One of the most important things we’ve noticed in our research is that people get the best of it if they’re direct,” said Jim McNulty, a psychology professor at Florida State University who studied married marriage and relationships. “Mocking, insinuations, sarcasm don’t work.

When people have different perspectives – and we all have – it’s important to express them,” McNulty said, “but they have to do it in a clear and as constructive as possible. “

Many people are proud that they never get into a fight with their partners, McNulty said. This is a serious mistake, he said.

A 2008 study of nearly 200 couples for 17 years found that couples who repressed their marriage anger were more likely to die sooner than those who did not, according to CNN. . “Conflict avoidance doesn’t work,” said Caitlin Cantor, a Philadelphia-certified individual, couple and sex therapist. discussion, then that’s really healthy. “

Steps for an effective discussion with your loved one

Most people see love quarrels as a momentary encounter, often triggered by feelings such as “I can’t stand it anymore.” you think about what you say before you say it, “McNulty said. “People often regret what they say later, so try to avoid being in those moments.”

As soon as you feel the pressure increase, schedule a moment to talk to your loved one so that you are “Both are free of distractions and stress,” McNulty said.

Analyze your feelings Scheduling quarrels also allows you to think about your feelings and try to get to the bottom of them, experts say, but don’t try to address too much in one discussion: “I call it” “Just kind of throwing everything wrong there all at once,” McNulty said. “It’s very important not to do that,” Cantor said.

“It’s a big difference when you talk about something and how hurt you feel about it.” “While doing so is really important, experts say it’s just as critical to listen. Being a good listener,” Cantor said, “means being able to adjust.” Then, when you hear something you don’t like, you can focus on understanding your partner’s words, instead of becoming defensive, hurt, or angry.

Don’t say “you,” “never,” or “always. on the defensive in any disagreement. When you start by saying, “You make me feel,” you don’t control your own feelings, Cantor said.

“There’s a big difference between saying, ‘You’re doing this’ or ‘You’re doing this,’ and ‘I’m feeling this way when you do this,'” she said. “Using ‘I feel …‘ Beware of nonverbal language It goes without saying that using an ugly tone of voice with your loved one will backfire on you, but you can also send insulting nonverbal messages, experts say. “You can do that. Indirectly convey that the other person is an idiot,” McNulty said. If you feel borderline, try to take a deep breath, Cantor said.

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